Wednesday, June 18, 2008


Tonight I sit here in front of my computer in a cozy little home, a beautiful sleeping baby girl I am watching on the monitor, and the dull sound of music in the background as my diligent husband is recording in the next room. It seems as if everything is right in our world, but I can not help but feel overcome.

I feel for a mother and father who lost their son in a senseless death a few days ago. Tonight at the funeral home I gave the father a smile and saw only a blank stare on his worn face. I feel scared for a beautiful nineteen year old girl who lays in a hospital bed tonight as her mother, father, and so many friends wait patiently and pray for the latest updates. I feel for my old college minister who lost his seventeen year old nephew this week...he was about to start his senior year of high school. I pray for a dear sister who longs for a child and feels hopeless at times. I cry for a mother who lost her sweet baby and is still so full of faith as I read her thoughts everyday. I try to sort through why people walk away from marriages and leave their promises behind. I am overcome.

I look to my God and ask why it seems so dark out there. I hear a stillness that requires me to trust. To trust that He knows exactly how my heart feels in this moment. To trust that He is walking with each of these families as they try to conjure up strength from their innermost being. To trust that He hears my prayers for each of these. Prayers for a perfect peace that will calm their troubled hearts and the "stormy seas" in their midst. I know you are there God. You have a beautiful tapestry painted for each one of their lives. My prayer is that they know it too and just trust.

This is the verse that has been hanging on my fridge for months. I clung to this during the some of the darkest places of my life this past year. I was in a place of a horrible unknown. I truly did not know if my marriage would survive all of the blows it had taken. I was in a broken place. A place where all I could do was trust.
Psalm 40:1-3 "I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their Trust in the Lord."
Guess did survive. Now it is more than I could have ever hoped for. Through pain HE has created such beauty.

I am overcome, not by these present troubles, but from the neverending and true faithfulness of my amazing Heavenly Father.


Dr. Erin and Mr. Heath said...

Nothing like a good cry in the morning, right?

Oh Beka, thank you so much. That was like a hug sent all the way from Texas. You are such a beautiful person, and I say it again - I am sooo blessed to have you as a "sister". I love you!

Jamie Mullins said...

Girl...I am sitting here in tears because I am in the same place right now. So sad and overcome by so much devastation but CLINGING to the only One who can make sense of all the madness. This was a truly inspiring post. Thanks for your honesty! You rock.

Runningmama said...

It seems like we all become highly aware of our world's fallen-ness when we become mothers. Sometimes I just want to shut off the news, plug my fingers in my ears, and hum loudly to avoid hearing about yet another harm that could befall my boys. Babies are so divinely fragile and I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!! I will be praying that God continues to give you encouragement and peace. Gracie is such a precious cutie!!