For breath in my lungs, a beautiful home, and a family that I can count on...
For an undeserved gift from God who has taught me a whole new meaning of life and love...
For a man who is an amazing father and husband...each day that passes with him holding my hand is better than the next...
For a God who takes me as I am, and loves me in such a way that allows me to be free...
For laughter and memories like these...My cup runneth over. Yesterday I was completely drawn to a story in Genesis 22. The one which so vividly describes Abraham taking his son, Isaac, up a mountain only to offer him up as a sacrifice of obedience to God. Abraham sets out to obey this command without question. We all know the ending, the Lord stops Abraham at the last possible moment and he turns to discover a ram in the nearby bushes, a provision sent from God.
Reading this story in the past, I had the tendency to romanticize it a little and somehow think of it as a fairy tale. A story predetermined to have a happy ending. However, reading this time around I really put my focus on Abraham. I tried to imagine how he might have felt that day. God had given him such a shocking task and Abraham didn't know the ending. It didn't cross his mind as he climbed up the mountain with his son, whom he would put on an alter for sacrifice, that he would walk victoriously down that same mountain with Isaac still by his side. He had no clue that his God would intervene and provide another sacrifice at the last minute so his precious son would be spared. He didn't understand why all this had to be done, but he did it anyway. This, to me, is the most important part of the story. He didn't just tell God he would do it. He didn't merely walk up the hill and then expect God to come to his rescue. He did it all. He built that alter and bound his son on top. He raised his knife into the air in a moment of complete and utter submission and it was then, and only then, God could show up in a big way. In that moment God spoke to Abraham.
Genesis 22:17-18~ I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me."
To think, Abraham might have totally missed out on the fullness of God's blessings had he not shown such faith and obedience in being open to God's instruction. Sometimes it is not about what the outcome could be, but about our steadfast decision to take a step into an uncomfortable direction we know we are being called. It is about hearing God and climbing that mountain with no clue of how, or even if, the Lord may show up. It is about that moment with our hand raised in the air that he will come to our rescue and provide with us with His sweet blessings in a way only He can.
What is it that God may be asking you to carry up the mountain? What big step is He asking you to take? Know that He will intervene and in that moment of your faith being tested, you are surely being blessed.
It has been a while since I have posted pics of my precious doll. Here are just a few sweet pics of my beautiful baby girl. Isn't she is such a big girl!! Also...I thought I would post a few of her in her costume. She was the sweetest little bee ever and she wore her costume all around town on Halloween to shop with Mama. And...What bee wouldn't be complete without a big bee bow??
Reading these words written by a very wise woman, in my mind, leaves no room for question.
"Here's the deal. You can't have it both ways. You can't pick a candidate that is pro-abortion that you know will choose at least 2 pro-abortion supreme court justices if you are against abortion. We allow 4000 babies every day to be killed in the U. S.. Just over 4100 soldiers have been killed in the Iraq war in 6 years. How long do you think a nation will go unjudged that allows this? Are you aware of the disproportionate number of African-American babies that are killed? Do you realize that your tax dollars will pay for it under his administration? Do you realize it is a money making enterprise? Wasn't slavery tolerated because it increased profits? Is slavery more offensive than killing 1 1/2 million infants a year? By sucking their body parts out, piece by piece? What kind of people have we become that we are numb to this? As a former labor nurse, let me assure you, the baby IS a baby."
Click here to read all of her amazing words. It will stop you in your tracks and really make you think.
We just stuff it all down. Maybe that is what we think we are supposed to do. We pile it into every nook and cranny of our soul. We hide our secrets, our addictions, our shame, and the lies that exist inside of us in the form of insecurities. We think we hide it all so well, but in the process of the stuffing we lose ourselves. Each person has their own reason to justify this survival tactic. Whether it is learned from the example of a family who knew it as the only way to cope, or its just something you've created for yourself as you selfishly hide from your own fears. Whatever the reason, known or unknown, it is there.
We hold on so tightly sometimes that we are too naive to recognize our own sickness. We even attempt to fill our lives so full that maybe we just won't even have to think about it at all. And the worst of it isn't even in the act of what we're doing, but the in the fact that we think we must. In order to be accepted by others, ourselves, or even God we stuff it so tight we can't breath; but even this doesn't stop us. On the outside we try and paint life as a pretty picture of an otherwise false existence.
But why? The thought of the facade makes me want to scream. But how can I? How can I judge this? This is coming from someone who less that a year ago had myself so stuffed with junk that, in turn, I created my own worst nightmare. I went around believing the lies of my own independence and strength without one ounce of real truth peeping through. I held on tight to this illusion of normalcy until, through a vessel of my own choices, I could go no further. It took circumstances that reached painfully into corners of my soul long covered up, and seemingly lost, for me to come to my crossroad. One where I could finally stop hiding behind one false identity after another. I cautiously approached the darkest doors to my heart and prayed that God would be waiting on the other side when I finally got the courage to open them up.
Unwillingly, but so gratefully, I realized for the first time that there was never any box in which I had to make myself fit. I see clearly that all the mistakes and junk in the world could never be too much, and it was never even my job to pack it away so carefully. I once again have found parts of my heart that I thought were gone. Joyfully, I know never again will I miss out on my truest self. I can now cling to my real life. The one that was paid in full for me to live victoriously.
Slowly, through so much undeserved love and healing, a beautiful light is finally able to shine. It is shining brightest on the places of my soul that have been entirely covered since childhood. Places long forgotten and largely overgrown are alive again. Since the light has come in I know I could never, ever go back. And really, despite myself, all that time my stuffing was never too heavy. Not for a man who carried a wooden cross up a treacherous hill, just for me, His beloved daughter.
***This post was inspired by the author of a beautifully written book, "The Shack." Hearing Wm. Paul Young speak was an amazing experience that I will always remember. He was so full of something people in a lost world are trying so desperately to find. The book is phenomenal. Once you hear him talk about his part in the story, all the controversy surrounding the book quickly diminishes. A cool part of this God story is that he wrote the book mostly on a train while commuting to one of his three jobs. His intention was to only give the story as a Christmas gift for his children so that they could know the deepest parts of him. Paul never really intended on becoming a writer when he printed a mere 15 copies at Office Depot after Christmas, mind you, because he couldn't actually afford it before. Little did Paul know that 4 million copies of that same book later, God would use his words to tell a redemptive story. One that would reach so many of God's own children all over the world. It is fiction, but based on Paul Young's heartbreak as a child and a relationship with the God he understood as a man. Paul was amazing, but his passion for Christ was even more riveting. It just shows that apart from God, we can do nothing.
